I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
