Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
