i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
