i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
