What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
