i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
