i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
