are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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