he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
