the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
