Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
