I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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