You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
