2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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