so explain again why im purple
no
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
