had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
