Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
