i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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