theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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