It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
