i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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