i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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