what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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