First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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