he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
