I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
