drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
