if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
