this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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