Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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