i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
