She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize