It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
