We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
