Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
