What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
