Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
