why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
