oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
