I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
