Got a toothbrush?
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is my life. Enjoy the view
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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