I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
