u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
