Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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