I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
