I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
