Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
