dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
