I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
