You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
