how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
