So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
bring money and cleavage
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
