There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize