All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
