i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
