The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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