I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
