There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
