I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
