i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
