so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
