I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
