They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
