You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
