I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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