look no pants
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
