The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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