I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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