So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
