Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
