I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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