i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
