I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize