He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
