oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
