Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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