Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
