my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
