That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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