i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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