i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
