Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
areolas are like halos for boobs.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
