just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
