i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
