Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
