Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
