I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
