Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
