So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
