im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
