I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
