first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
