Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize