how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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