Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
