Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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