She is in my trunk
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
