I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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