Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
