it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
