Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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