I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just want to make out with him forever
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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