can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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